Let’s talk about mental health.
A few months ago, I posted about my experience with failure and shutting down my company. To be honest, when I post here, the idea that someone will actually read it is only a small portion of why I write. The bigger reason is that I’m a journaler at heart who loves to process and memorialize thoughts in writing. That said, people actually reading is a nice side effect, especially if my words make even a small impression on someone else.
After my last post though, something surprising happened - several people reached out saying that it struck a nerve. I got notes thanking me for being so honest and helping to play even a small role in de-stigmatizing failure. Via that post I also learned that more than one Founder in my orbit were also quietly struggling with the decision to possibly shut down their own company, and neither had told a soul. The post led to some really meaningfully conversations, and afforded me the honor of becoming a confidant and friend to support them through that tricky journey. I promised myself after feeling how rewarding that was, that I would continue to be honest in public about topics that we just don’t talk about enough.
Which brings me to a far more important topic, mental health.
Founding a company is notoriously difficult. I’ve received advice from countless mentors and seasoned Founders to take care of myself, avoid burnout, and keep an eye on my mental health throughout this journey. But it was just recently that the things that people had warned me seemingly snuck up on me all at once, quietly and not at all at a time when I expected it. Those feelings were already creeping in, then with a two week period I experienced a very difficult family conflict and watched one of my best friends lose her spouse to depression. Suddenly, I felt like I was spiraling. I use the term spiraling specifically, because that is what the experience felt like to me: a vicious cycle of:
Feeling deeply physically and emotionally affected by a lot of things at once
Feeling exhausted and disengaged from my daily life as a result
Shaming myself for not being as productive as usual
Not telling anyone how I was feeling
Feeling more lonely and isolated because I was suffering in silence
Repeat this list.
I also realize in retrospect that before some of these more “acute” things occurred, I wasn’t necessarily doing… great. I read something on this topic a long time ago, and the words struck me so much that I favorited the image in my camera roll. I wish I could properly cite the source, but the quote reads:
“In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: you have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless.
Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing - the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functionality at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivations, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression - and in some ways it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness.”
I saved that clip because it resonated with me. I didn’t have a term or articulate words to assign to the feeling at the time and I found that putting words behind the feeling provided an off sense of comfort. It might resonate with you too.
I share all of this because, if you’re anything like me, the tendency is to not talk about, or even worse not even acknowledge the tough feelings when they creep in. I think this is common for a few reasons:
We tend to compare our feelings to others - “my problems don’t matter because other people have way bigger problems”
We have a perception that we don’t have the time to deal with them - “I have way too much on my plate to let these feelings slow me down”
We put our jobs / companies before ourselves - “If I am not at my best, my company will fail or my work will suffer”
It’s not clear what you should actually do about it - “I don’t have the time or money for a vacation right now, so there’s nothing I can do to feel better.”
But we can and should acknowledge and talk about this stuff. Whether it be a feeling of languish or a more acute experience with anxiety or depression, know that you’re never alone if you’re struggling with mental health. And if you’re a Founder, you’ve got some very unique circumstances and challenges that increase your risk factors for mental health struggles. But you’re not alone either even though it’s easy to feel that way. Sending love and good vibes to anyone reading this and know that my “door is always open.” <3
